Staying Fit with Bernarr MacFadden

Everywhere you look these days, people are reaping the benefits of a revolution in vigorous exercise. We realize many of these people are chiropractors and massage therapists, but no matter. Countless magazines are devoted to providing the floppy public with tips on keeping fit and living longer – so why should we here at Snake Oil Sewing not take advantage of these trend seekers?  Our experts offer you modern, well-researched exercise routines designed to help you maintain a healthy, well-formed physique. Run and get your sweat suit and let’s begin! Before you know it, you may find yourself feeling like a whole new person.

(But don’t go nuts like this fellow. He fasted for over forty days to achieve his look.)

Today is the first day of Winter. As Bernarr Macfadden so astutely pointed out, “The man must indeed be lacking in warm red blood who does not feel the call of the great open air when winter spreads its beautiful white mantel over the earth and keen breezes sweep down from the north.” I suspect that many of you have yet to feel any keen breezes this year. Where I live, it’s supposed to get into the 80s today! But let’s stiffen ourselves and begin, anyway. Since Mr. Macfadden really seems to know what he’s talking about, we’ll turn to Volume II of his Encyclopedia of Physical Culture for our instruction. (All text shown here in bold type shall come directly from this groundbreaking study.) Now don’t worry that this happens to be the 1920 edition; there can’t have been that many breakthroughs.

Probably one of the most common faults among young enthusiasts in physical culture is the tendency to excess in exercise. (You know, I don’t know what possessed me to introduce this paragraph with such a silly statement. Please ignore it.) What we want to start out with is a good stretching routine. Let’s not dilly-dally with prissy little exercises that pass as real stretching and that any old hag can pull off. This isn’t a stretch; it’s flirting!

Now, let’s begin with The Sideways Lean Pose. I saw a lot of giraffes in Botswana do this, and they are certainly among the sleekest and skinniest of animals. Put your whole back into it! That’s what it’s for. No pain, no gain!

Continue back and forth until tired.

In discussing the weaknesses of this part of the body we continually come back to the baneful influence of the corset. We simply cannot escape the consideration of this iniquitous device, just as women who wear it cannot escape the inexorable physical dilapidation which it brings about….But how much more pleasing must it be to the woman of today to know that the figure she presents is truly her own, so that instead of the hypocrisy of displaying a purchased form [!], she may take pride in the consciousness that the admiration of others [i.e., men] comes in response to the charm of her own real self. Boy, you said a mouthful there, Mr. M!

Next up: Touch Your Toes. If Thoroughly Modern Millie, here, can do it then so can you. Go ahead. Just bend over and touch them. They’re not that far away, are they?

Okay, now that we’re all limbered up and ready to go, let’s try a bit of dancing! Youth, eternal youth, is the very cry of every normal woman – at least in her heart….Why, it even keeps the voice young.

Dancing has locked many a medicine chest. Now, you may say to me, “But I haven’t the natural grace and charm to be a dancer.” And if this were a picture of you, I’d have to admit you’re right:

But, please, dear friends: these dances are simple enough for anyone to work out alone. And if you happen to possess and outfit like this one, then I think we can all agree that you should work out alone.

 

That’s all for today, friends!  I don’t know about you, but I’m worn out just typing this thing. I can’t even get out of my chair. It’s time for one of Bernarr’s excellent baths, I think.

In our next physical culture installment, you’ll meet the real Mister Atlas and learn what it takes to win a cock fight.  And maybe some sewn garments will make an appearance.